| Liam O'Neill
Mrs. Field Period 5
4/21/06
Essay corrections for Cather/Davis Essay
# 1 Mispelled Word. It is not th fact that both men have the desire to obtain wealth, but it is th fact that Hugh kept the money ad Paul spent the money in New York.
# 3 Should be two words, "Life style" is two words, not one. Paul stole a large sum of money from his employer, Denny and Carson, and traveled to New York to spend the money in order to live a rich life style for a weekend.
# 4 Needless words or phrases.The phrase "In the two stories, Life in the Iron Mills and Paul's Case," can be omitted becuase it is already mentioned several times in the essay, and stating this fact again would be redundency. ^ Both Paul's and Hugh's soceities run on civil principles that stealing is wrong, and that not circumstances justifies stealing.
# 6 Wrong word is used.The word "that" needs to be omitted and replaced with "a" becuase "that" doesn't make sense in this sentence. Hugh is not very wealthy and lives day to day off his work in the iron mill, Paul, since childhood, has had a desire to live ^ a life of ease without attaining the lifestyle through any sort of work.
# 7 Wrong Form of Word.In this case the words "neighbor's" is using the wrong form, since it is plural possesesive it should be "Neighbors' ". If, for instance, one was to step on the lawn of a neighbors' in which the neighbor's sign in front of his house clearly states "Do not touch the grass."
# 8 Vague Word.In this sentence the word "that" could mean several different things. The point must be articulated on becuase "that" is too vague. Basically, both men acted on their desire to obtain wealth, and ^ the point of their objectives is why both deserve the same amount of moral censure.
# 10 Sentce Fragment. By itself, this sentence has no predicate, is also lacks a main point and has many vagaries in it. If, for instance, one was to step on ^ a neighbor"s lawn in which ^a sign in front of ^ the ^ lawn clearly states "Do not touch the grass.", it does not matter whether or not one's intentions were pure, that fact of the matter is that the grass was still violated and the law is still broken.
# 14 Word Choice Redundancy/Repition.The title of the books where the two characters come from has already been mentioned in the introductory paragraph. It does not need to be stated again. Both Paul, ^ and Hugh ^ both posses with them, a sum of money that wasn't theirs.
#16 Puncuation Error, Comma. In this case, there are not two independent clauses, so a comma is not needed to seperate them. Paul and Hugh deserve the same blame for their actions becuase of the similarity of their crimes ^ no matter what the circumstances.
#16 Puncuation Error, Comma. In this case, a comma is needed to seperate two independent cluases that contain the conjunction "and". It does not matter whether or not one's intentions were pure, that fact of the matter is that the grass was still violated, and the law is still broken.
# 17 Puncuation Error, Semicolon. A semicolon is needed in this sentence becuase of the closely related independent cluases(23c). It is clear that both characters, not matter what intention, possessed stolen money; and both deserve equal blame for their actions.
# 20 Punctuaion Error, Qoutation Marks.Qoutations are needed in this sentence becuase two proper title to books are named. In the stories "Life in the Iron Mills" and "Paul's Case" the two characters, Paul and Hugh, both deserve equal moral censure.
# 26 Keep verb tense consistent. In essay about stories that verb tense should always be in the present, not the past. It is clear that both characters, not matter what intention, possess^ stolen money and both deserve equal blame for their actions.
# 30 Pronoun reference not clear.The word "it" would be a reference to several things in the essay. To clarify the phrase "the money" is put in the place of "it". Both men could have withheld their desire but instead kept ^ the money.
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| the heart may freeze
or it can burn
the pain will ease
if i can learn
there is no future
there is no past
i live each moment
as my last
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| if i were to design a puzzle it would be 50,000 pieces
and when it was done it would say "go outside"
celebrity jeopardy at saturday night live is some of the greatest skits ever
"and the show has reached a new low"
love ya everybody
<3<3<3<3<3 melissa |
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| yo
its been like forever
and yea halloween was cool, thanx again for the invite ryan
i was suprised everyone got all dressed up, sure made me look dumb
the best costume there obviously had to be the pretty lady who dressed up like me
uni and everything
but yea i got the SAT on sat which is kinda weird
and really like nothin to do but work out which is always fun
i decided the best party would be a streaking party, but its gonna take a while to fund out where i can do a thing like that
stay cool everyone
melissa <3<3<3<3 i win 4 points |
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